“Bryce P. Tetraedwer, Global Tetrahedron CEO” writing for The Onion:

Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic “panic” and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the Moon.

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

A fake announcement and CEO, but this news is actually real. And they did the whole thing with help and support from the families of Sandy Hook victims, bravo!

The real CEO, Ben Collins, is doing great things since he took over earlier this year.

Side note: I didn’t realize that The Onion was back in print. Shame on me for not subscribing earlier, but that’s fixed now.